if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
