i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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