I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
