U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
