have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
