did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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