I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
