i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
