I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
