Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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