she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
