Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Plan B is the new Plan A
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
