You're my little dorito
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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