Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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