i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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