you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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