I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
