I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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