I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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