FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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