I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
