the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
