think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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