please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
