he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
