fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
