I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
