i just sent this text using only my big toe
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
