you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
