cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
