WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
