I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
