Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
