We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
