in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
