Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
