Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
