just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
