Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
