Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
