i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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