I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
