I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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