Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
