he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
