I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
