Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
