paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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