i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
