hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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